Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Randomize
