I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
