morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm too high and old for this...
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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