did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
