so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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