Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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