You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
