what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
