six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
