the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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