He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
