At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
