i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
its liver damage thursday
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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