she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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