glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
