At least make sure they are 18
Why
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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