Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
