: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
