i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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