Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
