I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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