Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
