It's like God shit irony all over that family
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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