Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
