onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
