my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
