So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
