awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
