what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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