Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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