what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
