well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
you inspire me to be a worse person
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
