just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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