I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
