i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
