last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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