Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
