Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
