My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
how does that bad decision feel?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
