Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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