Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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