Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
