Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
