dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
