The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
