Christians are straight up FREAKS
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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