the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
