I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
