i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
