I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
